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HenchPAC NewsHILLARY CLINTON looks as if she was mugged.
Months of pecking away at Rudy Giuliani's weaknesses. Week after week, month after month. Taunting, teasing, trying to jump-start that famous temper. Sitting back, and letting it roll.
All that work, just to draw even in the polls.
How easy it all seems now.
This pipsqueak Rick Lazio must be charmed. Five minutes into the race, without as much as breaking a sweat, the kid draws even in the polls.
And this, with half the population not even knowing who the heck he is.
Lazio bounds around the state like a cheerful puppy, his smiling face a sharp contrast to Hillary's pinched puss. His photogenic family a visual jab at Hillary's empty nest.
Hillary spends months "listening" until her ears start ringing to the small concerns of small people in small towns that don't know from 24-hour Chinese takeout. All they care about is whom she didn't tip.
Lazio promises to campaign "block by block, house by house." And all they care about is that he isn't her.
Life isn't fair.
Hillary kisses Suha Arafat. Draws worldwide outrage, and widespread condemnation of her lowly character.
Lazio tumbles and kisses the ground, requiring nine stitches to his lip. Draws statewide compassion, and a bit of welcome character to his baby face.
Hillary dons a Yankee cap. Draws hoots of derision.
Lazio proclaims himself a lifelong New Yorker. Draws hoots of derision aimed at his opponent.
Hillary talks about murderous cops who are later exonerated. Draws righteous outrage.
Lazio talks about giving the death penalty to merciless confessed killers. Draws nods of agreement.
Hillary declares Lazio an extreme right-winger. Draws yawns.
Lazio declares Hillary an extreme left-winger. Draws shrugs.
Hillary wants to raise the minimum wage.
Lazio wants to raise the minimum wage.
Hillary is pro-choice on abortion, in all circumstances.
Lazio has voted for choice on abortion - except when the government has to pay, in the last term of pregnancy, or for minors who don't have parental permission in states where such things are required. Still, he's pro-choice.
Lazio voted for the Brady bill, opposes handgun licensing.
Hillary supports the Brady bill and handgun licensing, yet isn't afraid to pander to hunters by boasting that she's aimed a muzzle on occasion on our furry or feathered friends.
Hillary supports the death penalty.
So does Lazio.
Hillary is a liberal in search of the middle.
Lazio is a conservative, who's found a convenient berth in the middle.
Women adore Lazio.
Women despise Hillary.
The race should have been Hillary's the day Rudy bowed out. And this unknown goes from zero to even before anyone in Auburn can spell his name.
Life isn't fair.
But if you're Hillary, you can satisfy yourself that it's all a conspiracy.
HENCH adds: "B-bye scumwitch. Arkansas is looking REALLY good right now, eh?"
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